Every moment that i've taken something forgranted in my life. I wish that I could take back and realize how much I have in my life. Taking things forgranted is a part of life, when you do it you turn back and realize what an idiot you are.  Sometimes I drive myself crazy over the petty things, things that really don't matter until you blow them so out of porportion that they take over your life. I don't want the angry words that I form out of my imagination to be taken out on you. I don't want to get that crisp tone of voice that makes me want to cringe....I just want to be happy and laugh with you and everyone. I don't want to hate Christmas just because I don't have a big family anymore....I should enjoy the people that I have....I should be fortunate and lucky for the people that I have and realize that things happend for a reason. I am and don't realize it as much as I should that I could the luckiest girl in the world. I have amazing friends, a loveing mom, dad, sister, a magnificent relationship with a guy that I adore, I have money to go to college, a good job with people who really care.....yet I am the girl that is living a great life....who finds flaws in every aspect of everything. Someone smack me and tell me how great I have it. "Lovelike you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back."

Currently Listening When The Pawn... By Fiona Apple see related

Its getting to that point...already where I feel like I'm going to burst.

I must admit that I stayed in Bridgeport mainly because of my friends. I love it here, but i've realized that people make the atmosphere. I'm not as happy as I was last year...of course i'm more content. Maybe i've just matured...I have better ways to spend my weekends then drunk. I'm ahead in almost all of my classes...minus Shakespeare. Its a different vibe this year that I have to become immune to all over again. So many changes...

I feel lost...I miss home. I need a breath of fresh air away from rudness, immaturity, ignorance, idiots. I wish that I had my own room. I know that I would be much more content....I would be able to concentrate more....get my work done....sleep...especially on the weekends...an not have to worry about people just walking into my room.

I know I just need to get away from this dorm for a weekend. I can feel myself breaking...an I hate the power that mind has over heart. When I get to this point I either feel emotionally drained...or I'm angry....stupid things piss me off...but its usually the stupiditiy of the person that acted...that makes me want to throw a chair at their head.

I feel like i've lost a lot of things in life. Not being at home i'm not experiencing the rabbits, which is something that i've been working on since I was 8. Yesterday, the police had horses on campus...I almost started crying...I miss my horse soo much. I know that I can never go back to Unadilla to stay with my parents...but I need the air, the hug of my mom, the humor of my father, the smell of my rabbits...the dirt on my hands as i brush Sophia. People told me that I gave up way to much staying for the summer....I gave up certain things...but I also gained others...that are very important in my life. I took 6 credits, worked, an spent time with a certain someone. I also gained the experience of really being on my own...I became more independent....these things I would not trade for the world..

We can't have everything that makes us happy...its one sacrafice for a gain. Its a part of life.

I miss my girls....its hard....really hard....but I know that they have to do their thing...an i respect their choices...they've done it for the greater good.

its not the end

its a cycle that is torture...yet you must not losoe faith in those who matter...look to them as motivation, inspiration, and hope....for they will never loose spirit in you

I'm home. I want to go back.

I got called a raging feminist yesterday.

I miss Ray.

I miss my friends.

Its one of those situations where because you've changed...it ruins a friendship and the person can barely grit their teeth to be around you.

Drinking wine...getting buzzed by myself.

If I could breath and be with my true friends I would...take me back...now! I don't feel at home here...I don't even sleep in my room. I sleep on the couch. I thought things would always remain the same between my best friend and I...yet she told me I changed and she doesnt like it. I'm sorry...I have a new life..apart from this shithole...i'm sorry i'm becoming someone other then a Unadilla scum.

Everything in the air is changing again....please let us remain the same. You mean more than I can express. You're a part of my sanity.

Chris...I miss you...I think you know exactly what i'm going through. Its hard...i'm an outcast in the town that I lived in for 18 years.